January 8, 2019Talya
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As mums, I feel we spend a lot of time being kind to others….meeting the needs of others first. This year, I say we should all be setting an intention to be kinder to ourselves. We women and mums have been conditioned to serve others and be selfless. That has just been the way of the world, and evolution. However one thing I have learnt in these five years of mum life against the backdrop of today’s crazy modern world is that before we can fill up the cups of others, we need to fill up our own cup! So let’s talk self kindness for mums and some ways mums can be kind to themselves.
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1Know that you are enough and have done enough
2Make peace with your body
3Focus on what you’re proud of
4Schedule in some me time
5Forgive yourself
6Picture yourself as your best friend
7Get together with your friends….
8And finally….be kind to others
8.1Related
Know that you are enough and have done enough
As mums, we can really give ourselves a hard time, and the truth is that most of the time we are far from kind to ourselves. We let mum guilt beat us over our heads, we belittle ourselves and reprimand ourselves for the things we have or haven’t done. Let’s give ourselves a break and be kind to ourselves by silencing the inner critic which would take up all of our mental bandwith if gave it our chance. We are mum enough and we have done enough. Stat.
Make peace with your body
If we’re not busy berating our actions, we’re putting a downer on our bodies. But the thing is, without our bodies….what would be able to do? Not much. So yes, our bodies may not live up to the ridiculous expectations put on us by the magazines and marketers, but they have been with us every day since our birth, they has grown with us, they achieved so much with us, and they have birthed our babies. Let’s be kind to ourselves by acknowledging and loving our bodies for all they have done for us.
Focus on what you’re proud of
As I mentioned above, it’s so easy to focus on what we get wrong, and what a drag than can be! So instead of beating ourselves over the head with a big old neg club, let’s be kind to ourselves by thinking of all the things we ARE proud of. If you’re sitting there reading this thinking you can’t think of any then walk away, go and make yourself a cup of coffee and start thinking and writing them down. Everyone has moments they are proud of….sometimes it just takes a little remembering that’s all. In this daily hustle of mum life, we’re usually so busy being our children’s cheerleaders, that we forget to be our own cheerleader too.
Schedule in some me time
As mums we are so focussed on pleasing our nearest and dearest than we forget about pleasing one of the most important people in our lives – ourselves. I know a lot of people think that “me time” is selfish but well I’m sorry, how can it be selfish if it makes you a better human being and a better parent? Me time is so important to help us mums to re-focus and regenerate and if it’s for the greater good then not only it is being kind to ourselves but also everyone around us too.
Forgive yourself
How forgiving are you of those around you when they make mistakes? I bet a whole lot more than when you make a mistake! If you find it hard to forgive yourself when you have effed up then take a leaf out of your children’s book – they literally forgive and move on, and you should allow yourself that courtesy too. Hint – our children do not define us by and willnot remember us for the mistakes we have made…only the good things we have done for them.
Picture yourself as your best friend
If you’re struggling with being kind to yourself then here’s something that might help. When you’ve effed up or you’re feeling bad about something, rather than looking at it from your point of view, imagine what you would say or do if your friend was sharing how they felt about what had happened. Well, I’m banking on the fact you wouldn’t start berating them for hours on end or tell them what a silly muppet they had been! No, you would treat them with kindness, and help them see that for the most part – it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Oh hello! That applies to you too 🙂 Funny how we can be so much kinder to others than we can ourselves isn’t it?
Get together with your friends….
I’ve written before about how friendships change after you become a mum but friendships are still so important however they have evolved or whoever they have evolved with. Sometimes getting together with friends to decompress and feel like a person again – not just a mum, or a work drone – is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself…especially when you make sure there are lots of laughs involved. Humans and in particular women deeply crave interaction that if we don’t have it, it can be damaging for our wellbeing so go ahead and have that girls night out without feeling guilty about it!
And finally….be kind to others
OK I know I said that this was not about other people but you see….in a funny way it is. Here’s the crux of the matter – the way you treat others is a reflection of how you treat yourself. So for example, if you go around judging others then the likelihood is that you are probably quite harsh on yourself too. I definitely remember in my early days of motherhood that there was a very strong correlation between the two! Without sounding too hippy dippy being accepting of others and being accepting of yourself are intrinsically linked. Geddit?
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There are so many other ways mums can be kind to themselves that this is really just the tip of the iceberg. How do you try to be kind to yourself as a mum? I’d love to hear your tips and strategies for self kindness for mums – do share in a comment below.
And now for this exciting bit!
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I need to do so many of these, as I simply don’t give myself any ‘me time’. It’s something I want to work on this year 🙂
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Some great tips there, I think we are very quick to look after everyone but ourselves as mums and it is so important to give ourselves a break from time to time.
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Fab tips here Talya. We need to remember every one of them.
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They’re all great tips Talya. I often forget about myself in the busy day-to-day of being mum, wife and general household slave. Note to self, do more for me!
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I have made a decision to have a beauty treatment at least once a month and I do a wellness walk with my bestie every week
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This is such an important post! Mum are constantly on the go – they are on a shift 24/7 and sometimes they need to give back to themselves! I’ve watched my mum go insane running after all four of us all the way until her hair cracked grey! I wish she loved herself a little bit more.
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I always absolutely LOVE your posts. This one is my new favourite. I need to be kinder to myself. I’ve started scheduling in me time, but I need to work on not feeling guilty about it. I love some of your ways you can be kinder to yourself. I definitely need to forgive myself a lot more and make peace with my body. xx
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I wrote a smiliar post lately as I feel like mums really do have a hard time giving themselves a break! You gave some great tips, brilliant post I’ll give it a Stumble! #coolmumclub
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This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately after coming close to the brink not long ago! I took myself on a date to the cinema – it was bliss not having to think about anyone else and eating all the popcorn myself! #coolmumclub
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Amazing tips. I definitely find some of these easier than others. Like being kind now comes naturally because I have had some experience but before I was all judgey! I struggle with me-time – as in using it wisely! I end just wasting it or faffing that I don’t feel so I need to try and make better use of the rare “alone” opportunities.
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#coolmumclub
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Thanks for a great post, found via #coolmumclub. I pinky promise to try to be my own cheerleader and give myself a break from all the self-criticism. (And a break from being a teeny bit critical of others)
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I love this sentiment Talya, it”s good to be reminded of this stuff sometimes xx #coolmumclub
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It is so important to do something for you. I completely agree. #coolmumclub
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Yep we could all definitely do with being kinder to ourselves. I often think we should treat ourselves like we would a good friend, think about how much we would do to help them, and that way we may actually give ourselves a break every now and then! #coolmumclub
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With pretty much every problem under the sun in this pregnancy, I’m learning to care for myself more and more. Due to my SPD I cant go into town for lunch without being crippled with pain at night and its not worth it.
A daily soak for an hour or two with Netflix on and bubbles in the bath seems to help relax me enough to wash the pain away for a moment. Sometimes selfishness is required! #coolmumclubLoading...
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So true, we all need to be kinder to ourselves and by being kinder to others we feel better too! My blog this week is about how I took a Mum break and despite initial feelings of guilt and anxiety, it felt soooo good to have some time to focus on me and only me! Thanks for hosting #CoolMumClub xxx
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Everything you say is so true. I need to give myself more ‘me time’ – it’s my goal for the year and your post has reminded me to actually do something about it! #coolmumclub
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Very true. Think we all need a little reminder to love and be kind to ourselves. #coolmumclub
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When I look at the early days at motherhood it’s painfully obvious I was lacking in some self care. Guess hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I’m so grateful that now I get a daily dose of me time which I get to spend as I choose.
Sending a huge dose of #coolmumclub love x MWAH
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Such good tips and it is important to acknowledge the small stuff, we can be our own worst enemy especially in the early days X #coolmumclub
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I’m terrible at this – but a lovely post and a good reminder xx #CoolMumClub
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Well this is just lovely. Like a warm hug! #coolmumclub
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Having some me time is so important its just so hard to bloody schedule in! I find once the kids go to bed I want to do something for myself, whether it be have a bath or do some blog writing or reading. Some great tips! #coolmumclub
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As women generally and mums in particular we are so often our own worst enemies with each other but particularly with ourselves. I wrote a love letter to myself on the blog this week just to give myself self-care in a different way and found it quite a powerful exercise. I was doing well but then saw some photos of myself and starting body-bashing myself again. It’s a work in progress this self-care bit. Good tips though #CoolMumClub
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Yes to all of these! It’s so easy to put ourselves last when there’s kids to look after, work to do, a house to clean, and so on. But the more you look after yourself, the easier it actually becomes to look after everything else. Saying all that, I still struggle with taking “me time” and feeling that I’m being selfish doing it. Stupid huh! I usually have to rely on my husband to remind me and he knows what signs to look out for now (usually it’s me losing my sh*t!). Thanks for the post x #coolmumclub
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Some really good advice here Talya. It is so easy to put ourselves at the bottom of the priority pile and like all bad habits it is difficult to break, but well worth it once you do. Me time is so important and I always make an effort to grab a slot in my day when I just switch off and do something for me – actually at the moment my family might say I am doing quite a lot of that but hey ho, you have to seize the moment while you can. The other point that you make that is really resonating with me at the moment is the body bashing – my post surgery bod is causing me a lot of angst and actually I need to put it in perspective and remember that it’s not all bad. #coolmumclub
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Me time is so important – as are all of the others! #CoolMumClub
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Wise words here, Rather like the apply your own mask before that of others as you are no good to anyone if you conk out. #coolmumclub
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Ahh this is a lovely post. You are so right: friends do change when you are a Mum. A close friend of mine (before I had kids) who had a baby changed the way she was with me. We were no longer close. She gained new friends, a new circle. I found it hard to come to terms with until I had kids haha.
Great post. #Coolmumclub
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I don’t give myself enough self care! What with my partner working full time and me being at home with my 7 week old and 2 year old I barely get a minute to myself! #coolmumclub
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I love this! 100% right & true on all counts! #coolmumclub
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They’re all great tips Talya. My new year’s resolution is to be kinder to myself and give myself more me time – as last year I neglected myself too much!
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i can’t remember the last time! i have a bit of quiet time before bedtime i guess 🙂
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Great tips Talya. In 2019 my resolution is to have more fun and make lots of memories with my family, life is too short
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I invariably feel guilty if I spend time or money on myself, I definitely need to be kinder to myself.
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Love having some me time and it is definitely hard to find the time – had a wee bit over the Christmas holidays and it was lovely x
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The nearest I get to me time is a long hot bath! I need to work on this 🙂
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Now my youngest has started nursery I go to the gym for an hour during the week.
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The last time i went to a spa, ages ago!
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I have an hour in the evening when the children are in bed, having a glass of wine and either the next episode on the telly or next chapter of my latest book
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Last week I went shopping on my own for an hour – bliss! Before that I honestly can’t remember. Definitely need to carve out a bit more me time.
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I can’t remember the last time I had me time! Bliss….
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I like to have “me time” in the evenings, I usually run a bubbly bath or put on a film or show to catch up on. I grab a snack and drink and just chill for a couple of hours! Bliss xx
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I took some time out over the festive period just for me 🙂
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Some great tips here! It’s been a while since I took care of myself and now I am suffering from strep throat and a rubbish cold. Definitely need to make more me time and stop running around like a headless chicken! I also need to learn to love myself and be happy in the skin I’m in.
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Great tips! Last time I had proper “me time” was about 3 months ago! Really need to do it more often 🙂
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I went to a Spa with my daughter back in November. We vowed to do it more often but its easy to get caught up in day to day life
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I make some me time most days by doing a gym class I really enjoy, that is me time or now and again a bubble bath with a nice glass of wine and book
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Once the kids are asleep I enjoy doing my nails and having a facepack
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It’s important to have some “me” time so I try once a week to put my feet up and chill.
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I definitely think the most important thing is to talk kindly to ourselves like we would do to a friend. I’m trying and getting better at this!
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It’s my friend I worry about she doesn’t do the ‘ME’ time to relax and love herself if I won I’d pass to her as very special treat just for being my friend
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I need to try some of these great tips and make more time for myself.
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I get a slight lie in on a Saturday morning. Although this morning I frustratingly couldn’t get back to sleep after I was woken at 7
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I keep a 6 minute diary which means I always have a few moments at the start and end of the day to focus on myself and reflect on the day. This is really important being a working mum of 3, the smallest of which is only 4 weeks old today!
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I haven’t had any me time since before Christmas I’ve been too busy
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At the moment I don’t get much me time but it’s important to take some time.
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Over christmas.
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Me time isn’t really an issue for me as I don’t have young children – plus I have a fantastic husband ;o)
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Me time isn’t on the agenda as I’ve just had my first grandchild and I’m the minder so absolutely no time to myself
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The last time I had some time to myself was before the Christmas I have had so much to do since I haven’t found the time.
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Great blog last time I took time for myself was a few weeks ago. I shut myself in the bedroom for an hour to read my book
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I don’t have much me time at all and that was one of my resolutions for the New Year to make more time for me
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Love to have ‘me time’ sometimes – went for a beauty day last year and really enjoyed it
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I made ‘me time’ by joining a gym, I go every morning at 7am for an hour, it gives me focus and energises me for the day ahead.
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The last time i had some me time was on my 50th birthday when my hubby and me went to a lovely spa hotel for 2 nights.
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Today is my day off and guess what? I am pampering!! 🙂 I’m removing unwanted hairs, cutting my nails, polishing them and tanning 🙂
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Great tips, I enjoyed reading them, I always like catching up with friends x
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love the blog and great advice, which so many mums neglect – a happy mum makrs for a happy home x
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The last time I pampered myself was 3rd January when I had a facial. It’s the first one I have had for 6 years!!!!
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Well my daughter is 18, however she is a lot of mental health issues, so these last two years have been hard. Sometimes my Mum will ‘look’; after her (she just needs someone to be around) and I use this times for date nighst with my oh and pampering – good luck all
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This morning when I took myself of to the hairdressers
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I think I am not alone when the extent of my “me time” comes down to me talking about how I never have any. I think it’s important to just go ahead and not ask permission otherwise other people will always find something they’d prefer you to do!
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Forgiving yourself is probably one of the hardest no matter how much you know your human
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Last Monday! Had a morning off work so instead of usual housework I treat myself to a visit to the hairdressers
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In all honesty, I couldn’t tell you. I was aware how bad it was and my new year’s resolutions were all about listening to my body and taking time for me, but so far I’m failing despite thinking that was quite sensible and realistic
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I find it hard to switch out of mum mode when the kids are in bed but I’ve made it my New Years resolution to make more time for myself. Earlier in the week I took some time to pamper myself and do a jigsaw in my jammies
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I can’t actually remember the last time I had any time to myself. Unless walking to work counts?
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I just had a night away by the seaside!
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By taking time to read, take myself off somewhere on my own and get lost in a book for a while
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It’s so easy to spend time caring for the rest of the family and forget about yourself. My hubby tries to encourage me to take time out but I tend to keep on going until my body just gives up on me! my problem is, when I overdo it, my body let me know by sending me into an epileptic fit!
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I try and make a little me time every day, even if it’s only five minutes hiding in the toilet.
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The last time i took time for myself was many many years ago!
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I honestly can’t remember the last time I had some time to myself! Being a working mum to 2 very active and busy girls, by the time the girls go to bed, I tend to collapse into bed, with a book, and wake up in the middle of the night with the light still on and my face in the book!
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I have got better and treat myself to a bath rather than a shower once a week to really give myself a chance to relax
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I have four children and three of them are now adults, with the youngest being 12. All four children are at home and I honestly think I have less time now than I did when they were younger. One of the greatest problems I find is that, when the children were young, I could at least count on them all being in bed by 8pm, whereas nowadays there is normally at least one of them up until 10pm, plus the added disadvantage of being a “taxi service”.
I am disabled, so do have “me time” – I have to rest at times and I can’t physically do as much. However, organising things, ferrying people around and worrying about their problems takes a great deal of my time up. I used to read loads and now read hardly at all. The one advantage is that I do occasionally get to go out with my husband for nights away in a hotel and we often spend the mornings chilling and just reading/pottering when away.
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I went out with my girlfriends last weekend for dinner – it was lovely 🙂
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I try to remind myself to take some time off, but I get so caught up with work and family 🙁
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Im always running around after everyone else and could do with a treat and what a treat this would be. I had a lovely long and luxurious bath yesterday though….bliss !
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Friday just gone was the last time I took time for myself, went out with my friends for a night out. It was lovely to get out and do something for myself.
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I cant remember the last time but I would rather spend time with my little boy Charlie 2
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I try to take an hour a week to pamper myself
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Erm I honestly can’t remember. Am a single Mummy to a 15 month old so not had me time in a longtime. I think last summer when I last went out of the house on my own and I had a quiet 30 min Costa. Forgotten what me time is lol
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Meditation for 29 minutes a day has been so helpful for me
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My ‘me time’ tends to be after about 10pm. I sit and sew (cross-stitch) & then read when I go to bed. I feel more relaxed afterwards but very tired the next day!
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I think the last bit of.me time was about 3weeks ago
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Yesterday. I went to a beauty parlour and had a deluxe pedicure. Absolute bliss. Money well spent.
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I think if everyone just gave themselves just a little bit of ‘me time’ a week, the world would be a much better place
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The last time I had some ME time was Friday whilst my daughter was at nursery – I sat and completed my on line work and then drank cups of coffee and watched some trash on the TV – it was bliss
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I cant remember as I normally put others first. I think I need some me time.
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On my birthday, back in November
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Yesterday when I had an extra hour in bed trying to fend off a migraine, if that counts!
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I can’t remember
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